Unraveling

After a two hour drive, the hubby and I have arrived in Indianapolis for our much-needed getaway night. There's just one problem: I look down and my bowels are coming out of my stoma - my ileostomy has prolapsed.  A frantic call to the doctor and we are headed straight back to UofL's emergency room.  I am unraveling in both an all-too literal and figurative way.

My stoma generally sticks an inch out of my belly at the most, but I've got six inches pouring out of my abdomen.  It's kind of unsettling to see and it's accompanied with intense abdominal pains.  They think I'll need to be whisked away to surgery in the morning, but thankfully, by then my stoma has swallowed the intestines back in (the human body is nuts. That's the only word for it.) and has reached its normal size. 

I'll spare you the nitty gritty of it and just say this: two nights in the hospital and one ileoscopy later, I tell my doctors it's time to part ways with my colon; it's time to get the surgery that will make my ileostomy irreversible. 


I get asked all the time if I want to reverse my stoma and go back to having my bag-free belly.  Heck no, people! Why would I ever want to go back to running to the bathroom twenty (or more) times a day, never quite knowing if I'm going to make it, and sometimes not?  No, thank you.  I'll take pooping in a bag any day.  So, it's scheduled.  December 17th will bring another life-changing surgery, although with this one there's no going back. 

In light of the long recovery time ahead, I have made the executive decision to "get fit" beforehand.  I might be skinny, but let me tell you, I get winded walking from one side of the food court to the other.  And that is not conducive to a speedy recovery!

So, three days before my surgery will be another life changer: my first 5k.  I might be crazy.  My brain might be unraveling, too. I started training today, power walking for twenty minutes through the park with Dash, running intermittently for 45 seconds.  It was kind of miserable.  Pathetic, I know. 

While I'd love to become one of those annoying running addicts, the main goal is to get this temple as healthy as can be pre-surgery so post-op is smooth. If I end up enjoying running in the meantime, so be it (although at this point, I don't foresee that happening!).

My journey to health and - good heavens - FITNESS begins today! Any tips for a first time (non) runner are welcome.   

"Why are you still walking? The playground is back there"

Man vs. Baby

It's hard sometimes to not make your child the center of your world when he runs up to you to give you kisses and pose for pictures like these....

And when an adult forgets to turn the oven off and it stays on all night it's a lot harder to forgive them than it is when your nineteen month old screams at you for not letting them watch Space Jam for the, oh, thousandth time...

And I know that as young mommas we think we're supposed to feel guilty for preferring a night away with the hubby and leaving the kid behind...

But it shouldn't be like that.  I need to remind myself daily that, while I need to train my child up in the way he should go, my husband is the one with whom I'll be when the kids are trained and gone.  The hubby takes precedence, people, and to some that might not sit well.

So remember to leave the chitlins behind and do something your hubby loves this week! For us, it was going to Churchill Downs and watching some races - a place I don't understand yet, but is one of the hubby's favorite places to be.  And you know, even though I don't have the money to place a bet or know what the heck a superfecta is, I had a lovely time focusing on my man.

Keep your children close and your husband closer!

Scarcely had I left them,
when I found the man I love.

Song of Solomon 3:4a CJB

Four Weeks of Frugal: Week 2

I must say, I am rather relieved our fiscal week has renewed.  By the fourth day it's all too easy to be stretched thin budget-wise, especially when that budget is $100 (including groceries) for your WHOLE WEEK!  Let me put it this way: by day five I was microwaving stale honey buns as a snack (I need the calories anyway).  

WEEK 2 CASH OUT:

• $58.42 on groceries.  And this was the first day.  More than half of our weekly allowance, poof, gone.  Our cashier had read about my frugal challenge, so there's no way I could lie about this one and claim that we spent that money more efficiently than we did! But what is a mom supposed to do, just NOT buy produce? Come on.  I might live off of stale honey buns but my child will not!

  

  Budget friendly meal I made: if you have Ritz crackers, shredded cheese, and milk lying around, all you need is the chicken and you have yourself an entree!

  
  
• $25.00 on more Christmas gifts.  I feel it should be mentioned that this is the first year ever I will not be freaking out in December over what to get everyone. 
• Another $6.58 on groceries.  I wanted to feed my mother in law, but I couldn't have her over without some puff pastry and a small bag of ice!
• $5.80 at Rally's.  If, for some reason, this is the only blog post of mine you have ever read, please let me assure you that we don't limit ourselves to processed MSG-loaded sub-food! But when you've just gotten off a sixteen hour shift, you kind of only want a cheap greasy burger.  Besides, I had two coupons.  

That amounts up to $95.80.  Woohoo!

STUFF WE DIDN'T PAY FOR: 

• Starbucks.  Luckily I saw on Facebook that Sunday was buy-one-get-one fall frappucino day.  I got myself a nice pumpkin spice while Ian enjoyed a salted caramel mocha. That gift card is, for all practical purposes, completely cashed.
• $2.98 on eggs and shredded cheese.  I used our old food stamp card which had a little over three bucks left on it anyway. 

  

  Free dinners are always awesome

• Dinner at Mojitos Tapas, thanks to my mother- and grandmother-in-law.  
• I used Ian's Target gift card to pay for a $7.29 chalkboard. 

  

  Et voila! Hung the chalkboard in the kitchen to keep track of our hectic schedules!

• Four consecutive trips to the zoo with the membership that was (you guessed it) gifted us. 

  

  He got to become good friends with this guy

    IN FACT, WE MADE MONEY!

So, while it might not be the way some people would choose to spend their $100, it worked for us.  Not only that but we actually ended up with $77 cash by the end of the week from sales I had made on Craigslist, eBay, and Facebook (and let me tell you, I sold those people some CRAP-ola.  Really Craigslist guy? You want to buy ESPN Jeopardy the Boardgame for $3? Okay.)

I guarantee you, someone will take your clutter, so you might as well SELL IT! 

Another successful (by my definition) week of the Four Weeks of Frugal is in the books! My challenge for week three is to somehow pay it forward, with what little we have.  

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer...

Proverbs 11:24a 

Four Weeks of Frugal Challenge

Four Weeks of Frugal: Week 1

A couple weeks ago, I happened upon the blog Living Well Spending Less' challenge of 31 Days of Spending Zero.  The basic premise is that, save for bills and bare minimum essentials (we're talking bread, milk, and eggs here), you and your family spend zero dollars for a whole month.  No eating out (even a drink at Starbucks), no outings or dates that would have you fork over a couple bucks, no running out to buy a bottle of wine, nothing.  You live off of creativity to cure your boredom and what food you have in your pantry to keep you from starving.

In light of our recent medical expenditures, I first thought, What a marvelous idea! Oh, the savings! I quickly began calculating how much we might save and asked the hubby if he would be amenable to taking on such a challenge.  Being the compliant guy that he is, hubby went along with it, as long as we allowed ourselves to buy fruit in addition to the French toast ingredients.

We were all set to begin our challenge, when I got an invitation to dinner with some girlfriends.  Well crap, I thought.  I can't even go to a nice dinner with the ladies because of this thing.  After some more time contemplating, I concluded that, while idyllic, 31 Days of Spending Zero was not something I believed my family should take on.  I mean, isn't it a little extreme?  All that self-denial in the name of saving money?

So, I concocted a challenge and tacked a title of my own clever invention on it: "Four Weeks of Frugal".  Each week, we have a total of $100 cash to spend however we so choose - but nothing more.  It can be spent on a combination of groceries, eating out, and clothes; or it could be spent on a night at the movies and a getaway at a hotel.  But we are only allowed the $100.  Bills, tithing, and gas are the only exceptions.

Well, our family has completed its first week on this new (temporary?) budget.  I will say that there are probably wiser ways we could have used some of the money, but I think we did an okay job: we didn't go over the limit and we also didn't have to deprive ourselves of simple pleasures like a double date.

For accountability's sake, our cash was spent as follows:

• $10 on Dash's Christmas present 
• $41.76 on groceries
• $7.25 on a family outing for mini donuts at the mall
• $40 at the Melting Pot on a double date (Okay.  This one is obviously not super money-wise.  I made a mistake thinking that because we had a Groupon, we wouldn't have to spend any money. WRONG! But, we had a lot of fun and I had leftovers. Boom, justified.)

Frugal fun at the park

This doesn't sound like much, and you're right.  $100 doesn't get you very far in a week.  If you're like me, however, you have gift cards hidden, unspent in your wallet because they aren't gift cards to Target.  I've had some of these gift cards for years and only used them this week because, well, I didn't have anything else to spend! Here's what I bought with gift card money:

• $9.43 at Starbucks (I mean who can resist a caramel macchiato in this fall weather?!)
• $41 at Bath & Body Works (We were already at the mall, okay? And who doesn't want an automatic soap dispenser and bubble bath gel?? This is something I would never buy without a gift card, by the way.)
• $19 at Trader Joe's for produce to juice

Is that cheating and defeating the purpose of the challenge?  Living Well Spending Less blogger might say yes, but I say, it wasn't cash out of my bank account.  It's okay to use.

We did do as many free things as possible.  Dash and I made frequent trips to the park, we fed the ducks, we had family feed us, and today we used our gifted zoo membership to go look at the sad orangutan.  Heck, I actually MADE money this week by selling unused baby toiletries to a fellow momma.

Family fun on the train at the Louisville Zoo!

So, I would call our first week of frugal a learning experience and a success.  How will we spend next week's money?  Only time and my blog will tell...

If you want to see a full set of my "rules" for Four Weeks of Frugal, click here or download here: Four Weeks of Frugal Challenge

My 30 Lb Weight Loss Trick!

For those of you who haven't seen me in a while, my blog is aptly named.  As of late, however, it might be more accurate to go by "littlest momma".  I am a paltry 95 pounds.  As my aunt lovingly put it, I'm looking a little holocaust-esque.  I get a lot of people either offering me their fat (well intentioned but how, exactly, are we going to pull it off?) and a lot of other people saying they wish they were my weight.  I want to tell them no, you don't want to be in the double digits and that it's really not flattering for anyone beyond middle school. I'm constantly asked, "Why don't you eat something?"  I'd love to tell them, "I wish I had thought of that!!!!" but instead I usually give an unamused chuckle. 

What's my secret? How have I achieved the perfect anorexic model look?  Contrary to popular assumption, I don't work out (at all. Ever. Just a huge no-no.) and I certainly don't ever deny myself food.  That leaves us with option C: a Crohn's flare up.  I can hear the skeptics now: I thought your ileostomy ended all that?  And that presumption is what brings me here today.

Crohn's is a disease of the entire gastrointestinal tract.  It can affect you from your bottom all the way up to your mouth.  It sets up camp in your intestines and makes you double over with gut wrenching pain.  Sometimes, when being attacked internally isn't enough it surfaces on the skin with ulcers that feel like fire.  When life gets stressful, Crohn's will ensure that your mouth is ridden with canker sores that render eating unenjoyable.  My personal favorite is when Crohn's causes poop to come out of a myriad places it's not supposed to. 

The fact of the matter is, most of these symptoms go unnoticed by the person you sit next to in class or even your closest coworker.  The only real evidence I have of this flare up is my rapidly decreasing weight, and I've found that all too often people think I am intending to diet myself into oblivion. 

My ileostomy has thankfully made it so that the diseased areas of my intestines below it are finally getting the rest they need.  The disease there lies dormant for now.  After a year of my body adjusting to the ileostomy, however, Crohn's had to find a new vulnerable area: my upper GI.  This form is not so gory like my disease of yore (pre-ileostomy).  But it leaves me without an appetite, constantly nauseous, and doubling over at night praying that I'll just pass out instead of experience the pain.

I'm not trying to start a pity-party for the littlest momma here, I promise. I'm merely trying to inform, especially as I know there are people who are confused as to why and how I could get sick after my life-changing surgery.  There is no cure-all for Crohn's.  There is no magic diet (as many well-meaning friends have tried to tell me), there is no single medicine or treatment, there is no one surgery that will rid a person of this illness.

Crohn's is not the only one of its kind.  Many other diseases, auto-immune and otherwise, leave people looking relatively healthy on the outside while underneath they are ailing.  So please, please be mindful.  There are a lot of people out there who you would never suspect who are silently suffering. 

Okay, I'll jump of my "soap box", as it were, and remind you that your prayers (not your "thoughts") are coveted. 

We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy.

James 5:11 

Lessons from the Beach

Between clashing work schedules, thousands of dollars in dental work, and a noticeable lack of date nights, it was time for a vacation.  Ian and I needed a vacation.  Ian's mother graciously took off work for a week to tend to our little one, as we were in need of shedding the "daddy-mommy" personas to revive the "husband-wife" dynamic.   So, we packed our bags, grabbed two of our good friends, and headed where all poor young couples (should) go: the white sandy beaches of Destin, Florida.

For six carefree days I reveled in the ocean breeze, the salty air, and the crystal clear water.  I munched on crab legs and went parasailing; I sleepily read books by the pool and played a decent round of putt-putt.

Eating the best popcorn shrimp I've ever had at Dewey Destin

There's something about going on vacation with another couple, though.  You get a deeper glimpse into the mechanics of their relationship: the way they interact, that thing one of them finds annoying about the other, and above all how they treat each other. 

I noticed from day one of our trip something Taylor did for Will: before catering to herself she always asked if there was anything he needed.  How long has it been since I've done that? I sheepishly asked myself.  It was then that I realized I had been sorely neglecting one of my main roles as a wife: being my husband's helper. 

The whole gang before our snorkeling excursion

The competitive nature in me knew I had to keep up with Taylor's kindness, or else Ian would quickly realize what he's missing.  So, I began pro-actively making sure Ian wanted for nothing. "Let me get you a drink," and "What can I do for you?", while sounding more like what you hear from a waitress, became my vacation refrains.  I can hear the groans of progressive feminists as I write about my traditional gender role, but I have this to say:  it made my husband noticeably happier which in turn, made me noticeably happier.  Being Ian's helper was not the drag I had been making it out to be; it was actually quite gratifying.

During this time, I also remembered many of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place, reasons I regretfully don't acknowledge enough anymore.  I have compiled a handful for your reading pleasure: 

admiring my hubby

• Ian humors me.  If you know me well, you know I need someone who knows how to humor me when I make my trademark ridiculous and irrational statements.
• He knows how to perfectly blend being goofy, sarcastic, and witty.
• He almost always reciprocates with calm kindness (or just wisely saying nothing), when I yell at him that I am NOT cheating at putt-putt!!! You can give up after five putts!
• He is easy on the eyes. After tanning in the Florida sun for a week, he could aptly be described as "tall, dark, and handsome".

Now, our vacation is over.  We have returned to the realities of working, dental work, and parenting a toddler. School looms on the horizon. As we embark on our second year of marriage I am determined to continue forming habits that fall under this "helper" role, not just because he deserves it, but because I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
 

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."   

Genesis 2:18

The Ol' College Try

Billy Madison perhaps put it best when he sang, "Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad I'm not a fool."  Only, it's not just my dad I'm trying to prove it to. It's everyone around me: my coworkers, my son, my in-laws, my high school classmates who were sure I didn't have great aspirations.  Most of all, however, I'm trying to prove it to myself: I'm not a failure, I'm not a quitter, I can and will finish this race.

Maybe that's part of my problem.  School, to me (along with most things), is a competition, in that whoever gets finished first wins. So to me, all my peers who have their bachelors degrees have beat me, and I am a very sore loser.  What makes matters worse (in my mind) is that I had the head start of going to college two years early! Like, why am I not done with this?!

Unfortunately, school didn't feel like a competition when I felt like I was winning. I cared not a bit for it. My first round at the University of Louisville was butchered by health problems (nixing my entire first semester's grades) and then my own stupidity (failing a class because I never went and subsequently losing my full tuition scholarship - I know, I want to kick me, too).  I wandered from one major to another, no drive to do something I wasn't absolutely passionate about such as "going to class" or "studying".  Then, my final semester I was pregnant, sick, and unmotivated, ultimately finishing with a poor excuse of a GPA for someone who should easily have a point higher.

I haven't taken a class for two years.  I am terrified of going back.  I really mucked up my first opportunity which has totally shaken my confidence for the next go at it.

Then again, a lot has happened in that that time.  I've had a baby, I've regained health I haven't had since kindergarten, I've gotten married, I've become financially self-sufficient, and I realized along the way the dream I have for myself.  I have a son to whom I absolutely, passionately want to give the world and do so by the passion I've found for a career in nursing. Gone are my lazy, unmotivated days of yore!

So I find myself back in school. This first semester will be just a couple online classes that are required for my new major.  I figured it best to ease into the whole routine as I've never gone to school, worked full time, and taken care of a baby simultaneously.   It was clear God wanted me there this fall, no matter how apprehensive I am.  He clearly has more faith in me than I do.

Graduating kindergarten was a lot easier

How this semester will end, academically is up to me (financially...well, we'll see!).  Rest assured, my all will be given. I am accountable not only to my anonymous donor who gave me this opportunity to re-enroll, but to my family, and mostly to myself.  I must finish what I started, and finish strong. So, with butterflies in my stomach, I am a student once more! GO CARDS!

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Lamentations 3:27