Maybe that's part of my problem. School, to me (along with most things), is a competition, in that whoever gets finished first wins. So to me, all my peers who have their bachelors degrees have beat me, and I am a very sore loser. What makes matters worse (in my mind) is that I had the head start of going to college two years early! Like, why am I not done with this?!
Unfortunately, school didn't feel like a competition when I felt like I was winning. I cared not a bit for it. My first round at the University of Louisville was butchered by health problems (nixing my entire first semester's grades) and then my own stupidity (failing a class because I never went and subsequently losing my full tuition scholarship - I know, I want to kick me, too). I wandered from one major to another, no drive to do something I wasn't absolutely passionate about such as "going to class" or "studying". Then, my final semester I was pregnant, sick, and unmotivated, ultimately finishing with a poor excuse of a GPA for someone who should easily have a point higher.
I haven't taken a class for two years. I am terrified of going back. I really mucked up my first opportunity which has totally shaken my confidence for the next go at it.
Then again, a lot has happened in that that time. I've had a baby, I've regained health I haven't had since kindergarten, I've gotten married, I've become financially self-sufficient, and I realized along the way the dream I have for myself. I have a son to whom I absolutely, passionately want to give the world and do so by the passion I've found for a career in nursing. Gone are my lazy, unmotivated days of yore!
So I find myself back in school. This first semester will be just a couple online classes that are required for my new major. I figured it best to ease into the whole routine as I've never gone to school, worked full time, and taken care of a baby simultaneously. It was clear God wanted me there this fall, no matter how apprehensive I am. He clearly has more faith in me than I do.
|Graduating kindergarten was a lot easier|
It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.